Over the last few weeks the instructors of our foster care training class have mentioned the word "Advocate" several times; as a foster parent you are advocating for the child staying in your home. 

The word keeps coming back to me- even when I am not doing foster care related things. 

Advocate. 

According to Webster's dictionary the word advocate means several things. 1) To speak or write in favor of 2) a person who speaks or writes in support or defense of a person 3) A person who pleads for or in behalf of another. 

As a a foster parent, I know it means that I support and will help a child to live healthy and grow and developmentally, emotionally, and socially while they are living in home - to make sure the child's best interest is considered in all things. 

But, I keep thinking beyond just foster care- what does being an advocate look like in my whole life. In the Bible it talks about how Jesus is our advocate as He is the one who comes to our aid when we sin, to stand by us and pleade our case before God - and if I am supposed to be like Jesus - what does being an advocate look like for me - a 25 year old girl from Kansas. 

I don't like New Years Resolutions - because they are often broken and cause disappointment. But this year, I felt that God gave me a word to guide my year by - Reach Out.

This year I want to reach out beyond what is comfortable to me. I want to reach out and help the hurting and the broken. I want to be stretched in order to show people how great and loving my Jesus is - not through my words but through my actions. I don't want to judge others by how they look or the circumstance they are in - I want my heart to love them like Jesus. 

There are so many hurting people that surround me each day. Individuals, both men and women, that want to know that they are worth it. They want to know, even in the midst of their problems and situations, that they are no less desirable or loved - that someone is willing to defend them. 

Grant it - it is only January so I am sure that I have a lot to learn this year about Reaching Out, being stretched out my past comfort zone, and learning to truly love unconditionally - but I am excited to see what is in store.

I want to reach out - whatever it looks like, whatever it feels like , wherever it takes me.  My prayer is that when God opens a door for me to able to reach out that I will be quick to respond and not reluctant-  yet, another lesson in learning to trust. 

"If you want to be a bridge to Jesus for the world, prepared to be stepped on." - Matthew Barnett, founder of the Dream Center

As part of our homework for the PS-MAPP class that we are currently enrolled in, we had to write a letter to the birth parents of a child that may be staying in our home.

This was difficult for me - I have never been a parent and so I don't understand the full emotions of having your child taken away from you. I don't fully understand the reasoning why a child had to be removed from their parent's home - what events led up to this point.  It is hard for me to be able to show love and respect to a parent who was not giving their child the right amount of care, nurture, and love in order to grow up emotionally, developmentally, and physically.

In writing this letter, I regularly had to remind myself to show mercy and grace to the birth parent of a child that might stay in my home - no matter what their life situation is - we have all made mistakes.

I had to think to myself what information I would want to know about somebody that my child was staying with - what their home was like - but I am unable to share too much information as to keep some privacy for our family.

I wanted to show the birth parent that as long as their child is in my home that they will be loved and cared for - and that I would never speak poorly of them to their child - that even through their poor mistakes, I still wanted them to be respected as a person. 

Here is our letter:

Hello,

Thank you so much for giving us this opportunity to introduce ourselves and tell you about our family. We are David and Sarah. We cannot imagine the emotion and energy it takes to work through your current life situation, and we pray that you have good people around you to help you make safe and healthy decisions for yourself and your family. We have never been parents, but know that words cannot express the love between a parent and their child.

David works full time as an assistant store manager at a local auto parts store and Sarah works full time as a teller supervisor at a local bank. We live in a small town community, in a two-story home with 2 bedrooms. Our home is at the end of a cul-de-sac in a neighborhood filled with young children. We have a 2 year old dog named Trixie who loves kids and the opportunity to be chased and played with.

We believe that the greatest responsibility in having your child in our home is to ensure them that God loves them, you love them, and that they are loved by us. Faith and family are the foundation of our lives.

Our parents were our best teachers, so let us begin with how we were raised:

Sarah: I grew up in Kansas. My father is a bi-vocational pastor. My mother stayed home with the four us – me, my sisters, Esther and Rachel, and my brother, Caleb – until I was out of high school, and then she worked part time at a family counseling center. When I was young, we moved from St. Louis to Wellington, Kansas, as my dad was asked to pastor a church in the area. It was then my family became really close because we moved away from all of our extended family and friends to a place where we knew nobody but each other.

In our family, it was important that we all chipped in around the house, whether it was working in the yard, helping with laundry, or cleaning the house. My parents were loving, but strict, and were advocates for communication about our feelings and the emotions we were feeling throughout life events and situations. I have grown to appreciate the way my parents protected and guided me. As a child, I always knew I was loved – even when I was unhappy with the rules.

I am still really close with my brother and sisters. We see each other often. I have 6 nieces and nephews. One of my favorite activities is to play with them- coloring, playing with blocks, reading books – whatever they enjoy!

David: I spent my childhood living in Nebraska and moved to Kansas when I was 11 years old when my father’s job moved him. My parents provided me with a warm, loving home. I am the oldest of 4 children followed by my brother, Dan, sister, Naomi, and youngest brother, Mark. I have 16 cousins who grew up nearby; having such a large family living so close was a lot fun.

I am still close with my brothers, sister, and extended family.

My strongest memories from childhood are during the New Year’s Holiday. My family would travel to Nebraska to meet my aunts, uncles, grandparents, and cousins at a local hotel where we would stay all weekend and swim in the pool, play cards, watch movies, and bring in the New Year together. We no longer go to the same hotel each year, but the whole family still gets together each New Year’s Holiday weekend to celebrate together!

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We spend a lot of time with our families, and include them in our daily lives. We go camping at a lake with David’s family at least twice year. When visiting our families we enjoy playing games, watching movies, and just being together.

We are student ministry leaders at our church and currently lead a group of teenagers and young adults on a weekly basis as well as assist in other leadership roles, as needed. In our role as student ministry leaders, we encourage young people in their walk with God and in their faith by developing relationships, creating outreach programs and events, and being role models for the students and young adults in our church.

****

We dated for 3 years before we were married, at ages 20 and 28, and have now been married for almost 5 years. We knew each other well; had a love for our families, stood strong in our faith in God, and had similar goals and values for living and for our future.

What makes our marriage special is how we compliment each other. Sarah is organized. David is creative and curious. David is punctual, and punctuality is not Sarah’s strong point. David makes decisions quickly and Sarah likes to take her time and think about her options. We have fun together and we laugh all the time. We enjoy watching movies and TV shows together and also like spending time at the local coffee shops with friends and family.

****

We understand that the goal of the state for children is to reunify them with their parents. We will do what we can to assist in achieving that goal. We will treat you with kindness and respect and we will encourage your child to maintain a safe and healthy relationship with you. We will take pictures to share with you for the times that you are not together. We will never deny your child the right to their family history.

After trying to have children of our own and having been unsuccessful, we were initially upset; but after thinking and praying about what was important to us, we realized that loving and nurturing a child was far more important than giving birth. Foster care gives us the opportunity to temporarily love on your child, and help you and your child be together once again.

While your child is staying with us, we can guarantee that he will feel loved, nurtured, and cared for in every aspect of his life.

Thank you for trusting and giving us the opportunity to provide for your child at this time. We want to assist in every way possible for your family to be reintegrated soon.

David and Sarah 

It’s a process…

Our journey to becoming foster parents started back in November. On the 2^nd of November, David and I attended an informational meeting, put on by Youthville, about adoption and foster care, just to be sure that this was something we wanted to pursue. On our drive home, David and I couldn’t say “Yes” fast enough – our hearts hurt over the need for the children in our state to have a home that is loving, nurturing, and stable – even if it was temporary – we could help!

The very next day a recruiter called us to see if he could answer any questions that we had. On Saturday (2 days after the informational meeting), that same recruiter was at our house to do an “unofficial” home inspection and to begin our process in becoming licensed by the state.

Currently on this road of becoming foster parents, David and I are in week 7 of a 1 0 week training class called PS-MAPP, short for Partnering for Safety and Permanence- Model Approach to Partnership in Parenting. We have learned all kinds of things about the children in the foster care system, reasons why parents’ rights are terminated, how to deal with loss, abuse, and trauma in children, how to partner with case workers, social workers, birth parents, and other individuals in a foster child’s life with a goal of reunification. We have learned discipline techniques, how to aid a child developmentally, first aid care, etc. For the last 7 weeks, every Tuesday night we have spent 3 hours learning, growing, and preparing ourselves, mentally, for a child to be in our home.

Also, in this process is lots and lots of paperwork. We have filled out reports about our childhood, our family, our marriage, our support system, just about everything under the sun! Our licensing application was sent to the state for approval on December 21^st – and now comes the waiting game- we are told that we should have our approval by February.

We have also been preparing our house for our state inspection. We are blessed to not have to fix too many things, as our house is only 8 years old, and everything is up to code, but we are in the process of rearranging rooms, cleaning out closets, and reorganizing where we keep things.

For my “Type A- I like to know everything - be in control and have a plan” personality, this process is tough because I have no control – there is only so much I can do. I am learning (and will continue to learn) that God is in control and I need to learn to trust Him with my life. He knows what is best. His timing is always perfect.

“The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives.” – Psalm 37:23

We're Expecting!

Over the past year, our student ministry has begun to raise money to build a water well in an orphanage in Swaziland, and through this project we have encouraged our students to pray "Jesus, break my heart for what breaks yours." 

That prayer is very easily said but a lot harder to grasp when you take a look at your own life. David and I have been living in a comfortable place, but God has been stirring in us something greater, something that requires a step of faith.

As some of you know, David and I have been trying for several years to get pregnant, but the months have come and went with no change. We have experienced some disappointment each month, but not overwhelming disappointment or grief - knowing that God was in control of our future. 

As we began to pray and ask for direction for what God has for us in this next stage of life, we began to feel led to the idea of foster care or adoption. We believe that since we aren't getting pregnant - there is a reason.

There are many ways to create or build a family and we have chosen to start building our family through foster care. 

Foster Care is complicated: each child's situation and story is unique. Why the child's biological family was unable to care for him/her is private. For a foster child, this is their story to tell when they are adults, with the closest people in their lives. But what we can tell you is that we are blessed to have been given the opportunity to parent these children; however long they are with us. 

We may or may not have the opportunity to adopt our foster child, but just like a biological child our love for him/her is born and grown from our hearts. This makes him/her our real, chosen beloved son/daughter. 

"Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world." James 1:27 

The words of the Bible are those of sacrifice and deliverance, and as Christians we are to proclaim that story in every area of our lives.

Seeking to be obedient to that command, we are excited to strive to show the children, in our home the love of Christ, which is certainly unconditional but grounded in discipline. At the same time, we want to pray for their parents' deliverance and restoration, lovingly speaking the truth of the gospel into their lives as often as we get the chance, and expecting the Lord to be faithful to His promise in Isaiah 55:11 that His word will accomplish His purposes.

We are aware that this is going to be difficult (to say the least). We don't have any false hopes that we are fully prepared or that the road is going to be easy. But, we rest in the fact that 2 Timothy 3:16-17 promises us, "All scripture is God breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, so that the servant of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work."  We are simply being obedient to Christ, and we are expecting Him to do the work of equipping us and walking with us every step of the way.

I am sure that there will be tough days and long nights, however, we are so excited to be able to reach out past the hard times because we want to love Jesus with wild abandon, putting our hearts and energy on the line, in order to bring glory to His name and see lives radically changed. 

Welcome to our new journey! :)