The fight of Mary vs Martha

I had a co-worker ask me yesterday, “How do you balance it all – isn’t it tough being a full-time working mom, a wife, and a mom to 3 under the age of 3?” Yes, Yes it is – but totally worth it!

I think a lot of times moms get asked this because there is a need for balance everywhere.

My thoughts immediately go to two women in Luke. Mary and Martha. Women have been wrestling with the Mary/Martha syndrome since the time of Jesus. As a young mom, often times my internal “good Christian woman” measuring tool is Martha-like. The woman who did everything:

·         A  helpmate to her husband

·         A creative, patient and nurturing mother

·         An organized, creative, particular homemaker

·         An involved, busy, gracious leader at church

·         Etc.

^“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’” (Luke 10:40)

As much as I enjoy being a “Martha”  [I love the feeling of checking things off of my to do list!] -  it also can leave me tired and feeling inadequate when I can’t get everything done. Often times, I long to be like Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to what He said. 

In my short journey of parenting, so far, I am learning that you can’t be a Martha and a Mary at the same time. Attempting to do so creates anxiety and struggle from expectations we put on ourselves and those we let others put on us. Every voice around us says, “You can do it all. You should do it all.”

Jesus says, “Daughter, dear Daughter, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” (The Message, paraphrase from Luke 10:41-42)

I am sure that I am not the only mama that gets worked up over things that aren’t eternal. Only one thing is essential, sitting and listening to the Father. The voice whose power created the entire universe – that is the voice who wants to speak into our hearts and renew us.

I am learning that balancing motherhood and being a good wife lies in spending time with Jesus first. It takes priority over everything else. Balance does not come in serving more at church or in attending more bible studies. Busyness in good things is not a substitute for God’s best.God’s best lies in worship, adoration, and rest in Him when we spend time at His feet – in prayer and in the word.

The world’s expectations – even in Christian circles – say when we are busy doing good things, then we’re a good woman, mom and wife. Jesus simply wants us to spend time with him.

I am learning that balancing my life rests in priorities. Making time with Jesus balances all other activities and attitudes of my heart.

When I’m stressed by the demands of life and don’t make time to be with my Comforter, I feel out of balance, pulled in all directions, out of whack!

But spending a few minutes alone, Mary-like, listening to the Father, allows me to engage in busy activities with a peaceful spirit and gracious attitude. I can handle more when I spend time at His feet. Some days, I get a chance to have a few, quiet minutes alone – typically this occurs, if I am awake enough, at my 2:00am pumping session each morning. Other days, a quiet moment cannot be found anywhere with an inquisitive toddler, a teething baby, and a colicky newborn.

I am learning that mothering is hard.Having the assistance of the Holy Spirit makes it easier. Busyness is not the answer. Prioritizing time is .

If I were to die today, I don’t want my kids to remember a mom who is stressed because the dishes need to be cleaned or the laundry needs to be folded, but to have a mom who reflects the peace of Christ.

During my quiet time today while holding Grace in my arms and thinking of my other two sweet girls who were at daycare, I began to think about how much I love these girls and I love being a mom. 

Yes, there are rough days when it seems we have a crying fest in our house or an ornery 2 year old who doesn't want to listen but somehow I forget those moments and roll with it. 

I feel like infertility is all around us and it’s made me incredibly grateful for every aspect of motherhood. It’s something that can be easily taken for granted. My journey to motherhood is never what I had expected or planned, but obviously God's plans our greater then mine. 

Today, I am praying for all the moms out there (including me) that you’d see reminders of blessings in the face of your children, even on the toughest days.

And for all those gals who’d give anything for one of those tough days (I've been there - I understand), I’m praying God blesses you with the kids your desire and that he send opportunities to pour that love out on kids who need it while you wait.

The older I get, the more I am learning to embrace silence. Especially before we had kids in our home, I would often have music or the television on for background noise and the radio or my iTunes playlist were always playing in my car. 

It is interesting to find how my life and my daily routines have changed over the last year. With a 5 week old and an almost 2 year old, one cannot do anything "in a hurry." Before leaving home diaper bags have to be packed, diapers need changed, shoes need to be put on (for the 3rd time), then there is the loading and unloading the car. 

Today, on my way to work, I had to slow down to drive through a school zone. My first thought was to figure out a different route for next time to avoid having to slow down. 

And then I began to think, how often times am I in such a hurry to make sure everything is "perfect" that I miss the enjoyment of the people and special moments in my life. 

A few months ago, I would have hated the thought of having to slow down my routines. But now, I am learning to embrace the slower pace. 

Before, silence caused me to feel anxious, but now, I am finding peace in the midst of quietness. 

For everything there is a season...

“Only in returning to me and resting in me will you be saved. In quietness and confidence is your strength (Isaiah 30:15)

We have now been involved in the foster care system and being a foster home for our first placement for nearly 4 months. When we got married and “planned” our life – this is never what I would have thought it to look at. In fact, I changed my major in college from education to business because I couldn’t handle dealing with other people’s children. It’s funny the way God changes our hearts and outlook.

Here are some things that I have learned in the last four months.

I have learned grace and mercy. It is easy to think of birth parents as monsters, because then YOU could never be like THEM, but truly, birth parents are just people with big problems. Nobody chooses to be born mentally ill. No one gets addicted to drugs on purpose. Nobody choose to be born developmentally delayed, to never have lived in a stable family, so you don’t know how to replicate it. A year ago, I would have found myself to be judgmental of people who put their children in harm’s way, but now, I find myself praying for them; praying that they surround themselves with people who can help them make good and healthy decisions. Everybody has a unique story; we all make mistakes.

I am learning to accept flexibility, unpredictability and knowing that everything is subject to change. I am a person who likes my schedule and likes things done on time and when they are planned. When dealing with foster care, in even the measly four months we have done this, I have learned quickly that your family has to be flexible. A 1:30 court hearing means that you arrive at 1:30 and will sit and wait for 3 hours until finally being seen for 10 minutes. It means moving your schedule around so that you can pick up and drop off a child at a parent visit. It means playing phone tag with people to get your questions answered. It means putting a pause on cooking because the only time a caseworker can make it to your home is in the middle of dinner.  I have learned, though,that with unpredictability comes the opportunity to be more than you are, to rise to the occasion on behalf of someone in need.

I have continued to learn how amazing David is as a husband and as a father. He is always willing to help out with dinner, clean the house, get up early to drop off at daycare, dance with a little princess, play with baby dolls, and even change the dirty diapers. One thing he is really good at it is forcing me to slow down when I am running 100 miles an hour trying to “get everything done” – typically against my will, but needed and appreciated.

I am learning to see things in the eye of a child. There is so much excitement and happiness over the smallest things – a lady bug on the ground, a dog playing outside, bubbles in the bathtub, music playing. As adults, I think we get so bombarded with all of our work and responsibility that we lose sight of the simplicities in life – having a toddler in your home helps with that.

I have learned to trust that God’s plans are always better than mine. I often worry if the little princess in our home is being advocated for well enough, in even the few short months she has been with us, I want only the best for her.  Then I remember that the God that knew about this little princess long before she was even born has her best interest in mind. Whatever happens, whenever it happens – He is watching over her and her life’s plans have already been ordained – she is being advocated for by the God of the universe!

It has only been four months since we have become a foster home and so much has already changed. I am learning more about my strengths and areas of weakness; and learning to use those to make my home a safe and loving haven for my husband and the children that come through our doors.

“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” – MaryEngelbreit

Well, I guess I am due for an update seeing it has been 6 weeks since we took our 1^st foster care placement! A lot has happened around our household since my last blog post in February.

David found a new job! God continues to provide for our family by giving him a job where he is home now every evening and most all weekends; previously his schedule shifted from week to week ranging from 7:00am – 10:00pm, Sunday through Saturday. So this new job is a definite blessing for us, and especially helpful with a kiddo in the home now.

As mentioned in my last post, we did complete our foster care training at the end of January, and in February we had our home inspections and then received our home license on March 11^th.  We received our 1^st foster care placement call on Friday, March 14^th. We did have to decline that placement due to scheduling conflicts – but we were shocked at how quickly we were contacted after our license was in place.

A few days later, it was mid-afternoon, and I was busy at work when I received a phone call from the child placement team – they have a sweet, toddler girl that needs placement. I took the information and told them I would need to contact my husband and would be in contact as soon as possible.  

I called David and right away he said , “Yes! We are ready – let’s do it!” Before I contacted the placement team again, I called the daycare, that we had previously visited, and asked if they had available space to begin the very next morning – they did! {This organized girl, needed to make sure everything was lined up before saying “yes!”}.

David and I went and picked up “Princess” as soon as we got off work that evening [first having to make a pit stop to get a car seat]. After picking her up, we went to dinner, and then another trip to the store to get some essentials for overnight and for daycare the next morning. Up to this point, I had been buying gender neutral items, unsure if we would be getting a boy or a girl,  but having a little girl sitting in my shopping cart, I was having a tough time not buying pink, girly items. So, needless to say, if our next placement is a boy, I will need to go shopping again.

I don’t typically like surprises or things being sprung on me; remember, I like to be in control of situations. So, I wasn’t sure how my reaction would be in getting an unexpected phone call about a child – but , the thrill and adrenaline rush of that call was exciting; it was tough to concentrate to finish my workday!

The last 6 weeks have been a blast! 

We started off with a quiet, shy, little girl and now she has become more comfortable with us and is a happy, giggly girl who loves to dance, play with bubbles, be outside, and has a fascination with animals. She doesn’t communicate with words much {yet}, but over the last few weeks she has learned the sign language words for “eat,” “all done,” “more,” “please,” and “thank you.”

We don't know how long "Princess" will be in our lives - but we are using every moment to speak life, love, and encouragement to her! I am still amazed at the privilege we have to do that.

I know that there were several people that have mentioned to me about updating my blog and telling my "placement story" – sorry for the delay – my free evenings at home are now spent a lot differently keeping up with a toddler! :)

One step at a time...

It has been a little while since I have updated and we are making progress in having a child in our home!

Our life is never dull, it seems. In the midst of all the things going on with the foster care licensing, David also has lost his job, and so he is in transition in regards to work. So, if you wouldn’t mind saying a prayer for us, we would appreciate it – that God would open the perfect door for a job opportunity for him! It is encouraging to know that we serve a God who meets our every need.  Once again, this is another opportunity for me to continue to learn to trust that God has a plan for us and that He is in control (it seems to be a theme in my life right now).  

We have completed our PS-MAPP Training and received our certification! We have had our 1^st home inspection completed by the Youthville staff and our house is safe and ready to go! Once our training assessment has been submitted, our licensing documents will be sent to the state, we will be assigned a case worker, the state will come and inspect our home, and then hopefully, a kiddo will be with us within the next 6-8 weeks – it’s all a part of the waiting game.

We have managed to get the important stuff set up in the child’s rooms – the crib, the twin bed, a rocking chair, and the changing table. Now we are on the hunt for a  great deal on bedding and décor. :)  Each time I pass the bedroom, I get more and more excited about the thought of a child being in our home who we will get to love and interact with!

My next order of business is to start looking at child care providers. Thankfully, I have family that has had experience with this, in the area, and has been able to recommend some to me. If there is anyone in the area that knows of a great child care provider – I would love your suggestions as well!

I have to be honest, now that we are mostly done with everything, I have these moments where I stop and think “Are we really ready to do this?” But, then I am comforted with reminders that new parents feel the same way at some point, and so I take a deep breath and continue the journey one step at a time.

Over the last few weeks the instructors of our foster care training class have mentioned the word "Advocate" several times; as a foster parent you are advocating for the child staying in your home. 

The word keeps coming back to me- even when I am not doing foster care related things. 

Advocate. 

According to Webster's dictionary the word advocate means several things. 1) To speak or write in favor of 2) a person who speaks or writes in support or defense of a person 3) A person who pleads for or in behalf of another. 

As a a foster parent, I know it means that I support and will help a child to live healthy and grow and developmentally, emotionally, and socially while they are living in home - to make sure the child's best interest is considered in all things. 

But, I keep thinking beyond just foster care- what does being an advocate look like in my whole life. In the Bible it talks about how Jesus is our advocate as He is the one who comes to our aid when we sin, to stand by us and pleade our case before God - and if I am supposed to be like Jesus - what does being an advocate look like for me - a 25 year old girl from Kansas. 

I don't like New Years Resolutions - because they are often broken and cause disappointment. But this year, I felt that God gave me a word to guide my year by - Reach Out.

This year I want to reach out beyond what is comfortable to me. I want to reach out and help the hurting and the broken. I want to be stretched in order to show people how great and loving my Jesus is - not through my words but through my actions. I don't want to judge others by how they look or the circumstance they are in - I want my heart to love them like Jesus. 

There are so many hurting people that surround me each day. Individuals, both men and women, that want to know that they are worth it. They want to know, even in the midst of their problems and situations, that they are no less desirable or loved - that someone is willing to defend them. 

Grant it - it is only January so I am sure that I have a lot to learn this year about Reaching Out, being stretched out my past comfort zone, and learning to truly love unconditionally - but I am excited to see what is in store.

I want to reach out - whatever it looks like, whatever it feels like , wherever it takes me.  My prayer is that when God opens a door for me to able to reach out that I will be quick to respond and not reluctant-  yet, another lesson in learning to trust. 

"If you want to be a bridge to Jesus for the world, prepared to be stepped on." - Matthew Barnett, founder of the Dream Center