We have now been involved in the foster care system and being a foster home for our first placement for nearly 4 months. When we got married and “planned” our life – this is never what I would have thought it to look at. In fact, I changed my major in college from education to business because I couldn’t handle dealing with other people’s children. It’s funny the way God changes our hearts and outlook.
Here are some things that I have learned in the last four months.
I have learned grace and mercy. It is easy to think of birth parents as monsters, because then YOU could never be like THEM, but truly, birth parents are just people with big problems. Nobody chooses to be born mentally ill. No one gets addicted to drugs on purpose. Nobody choose to be born developmentally delayed, to never have lived in a stable family, so you don’t know how to replicate it. A year ago, I would have found myself to be judgmental of people who put their children in harm’s way, but now, I find myself praying for them; praying that they surround themselves with people who can help them make good and healthy decisions. Everybody has a unique story; we all make mistakes.
I am learning to accept flexibility, unpredictability and knowing that everything is subject to change. I am a person who likes my schedule and likes things done on time and when they are planned. When dealing with foster care, in even the measly four months we have done this, I have learned quickly that your family has to be flexible. A 1:30 court hearing means that you arrive at 1:30 and will sit and wait for 3 hours until finally being seen for 10 minutes. It means moving your schedule around so that you can pick up and drop off a child at a parent visit. It means playing phone tag with people to get your questions answered. It means putting a pause on cooking because the only time a caseworker can make it to your home is in the middle of dinner. I have learned, though,that with unpredictability comes the opportunity to be more than you are, to rise to the occasion on behalf of someone in need.
I have continued to learn how amazing David is as a husband and as a father. He is always willing to help out with dinner, clean the house, get up early to drop off at daycare, dance with a little princess, play with baby dolls, and even change the dirty diapers. One thing he is really good at it is forcing me to slow down when I am running 100 miles an hour trying to “get everything done” – typically against my will, but needed and appreciated.
I am learning to see things in the eye of a child. There is so much excitement and happiness over the smallest things – a lady bug on the ground, a dog playing outside, bubbles in the bathtub, music playing. As adults, I think we get so bombarded with all of our work and responsibility that we lose sight of the simplicities in life – having a toddler in your home helps with that.
I have learned to trust that God’s plans are always better than mine. I often worry if the little princess in our home is being advocated for well enough, in even the few short months she has been with us, I want only the best for her. Then I remember that the God that knew about this little princess long before she was even born has her best interest in mind. Whatever happens, whenever it happens – He is watching over her and her life’s plans have already been ordained – she is being advocated for by the God of the universe!
It has only been four months since we have become a foster home and so much has already changed. I am learning more about my strengths and areas of weakness; and learning to use those to make my home a safe and loving haven for my husband and the children that come through our doors.
“If you don’t like something change it; if you can’t change it, change the way you think about it.” – MaryEngelbreit
