Mom Life - Trial and Error

The last year, really the last 2 years, has been a blurry cascade of tears, laughs, pumping, feeding, trying to sleep, working, chasing babies on all four (and then on twos), and more. But mostly I cannot believe I am where I am because the last couple years have been a blur of one memory fading into the next with the only constant being that "this too shall pass," whether I want it to or not.

As Grace turns one in a couple of weeks – it has me thinking about all the things I have learned so far, in my motherhood journey.

Babies and kids aren’t really the hard part – marriage is. After 5 years of marriage – I have someone else competing for my attention. I have to tell you – being a mommy to my sweet girls, it is so easy to give them all of my time and love and energy. I have to be intentional about remember that my husband is my #1. And of course, loving me looks different now that I am a mom. So, there are some growing pains there – learning to love each other well in a new season of life. It is a good and healthy and necessary challenge, but I definitely think it is the harder one.

Running out the door is a thing in the past. With or without kids there is no fast way to get everything together.

I can’t do it all – and that’s okay. It is true; I am a control freak. I have never been good at asking for help, because no one else is going to do it the way *I* would do it. And also, I just want to be self-sufficient. Well, along comes three kids, three and under, in 14 months, and suddenly you just physically cannot do it all anymore. I’ve always been a doer, it is very rare that I am just sitting around doing nothing. So, I have had to learn how to just “be” with my family. The laundry may be piling up, but the couple of hours of play I have with my girls after work and before bedtime is so precious. The laundry can wait. And before things truly get out of control, I’ve learned (and am still learning) to ask for help.

Never underestimate the power of mom-friends. No one “gets” what I’m going through quite like them.

Parenting involves some serious teamwork. I always referred to a husband and wife as being a “team” but never has that proven itself so important before now. I have a whole new respect for single parents after these past couple of years. I love that David and I have different “roles” with the girls that play into their routine. But we also tag- team a lot when it comes to the small stuff like diaper blow outs, or just getting the girls ready and out the door for the day. Watching my husband be a daddy and love on our girls warms my heart to no end. But, I am also thankful for the heart that God has grown in me for my single mom friends – being a mom is no joke.

Every child is different in so many ways.

Flexibility is the most important trait I learned that I needed. I didn’t realize how inflexible I could be until becoming a mom. And sheesh, there were some tough moments of frustration if my plan for the day got thrown off. I still feel that a regular routine/schedule for my girls has made parenting easier. But in hindsight, I wish I was more flexible on days where the routine got thrown off.

Every parent is different in so many ways.

Breatfeeding is hard. Especially when it doesn’t work out the way you had planned. Due to latching issues, I was never able to physically nurse Grace – what I had desired, planned, and researched the best methods for prior to her birth. A reminder, that some things in life just do not go as planned. So, for the last year, I have been exclusively pumping – time consuming, painful at times, time consuming (worth mentioning twice), counting ounces, trying to keep my supply steady, and creating a freezer stash (just in case my supply dwindled). I am quite proud of my accomplishment of keeping it up for a whole year, and will even be able to give her my extra stash beyond a year – but I am even more excited to stop and to have some of my time back; being able to quit carrying the heavy pump and supplies around with me 24/7; stop washing so many bottles and accessories; etc. As hard as this process has been, it has been time well spent – breastfeeding didn’t go in the way I had planned – but I was still able to do it (thankful for technology!).

It’s amazing how my definition of “sleeping through the night” has evolved. 4:30 am used to be the “middle of the night” – now, it is the start to my day.

Never underestimate the power of non-parent friends. No one can remind me that I am more than “just” a mom, quite like them.

God REALLY loves me. If God could ever give us a tiny glimpse at how much he loves us, I now know it's through our children. The endless love I feel for my girls is nothing I've felt before. It's unconditional. There's nothing they could do to make me love them more. There's nothing they could do to make me love them less. And that's exactly how God feels about me and you. There's nothing I could do to make God love me more. There's nothing I could do to make God love me less. I finally get it. And to think he loves my girls even more than I do? Wow.

It was all worth the wait. My path to being a mom certainly was not the path I would have chosen to parenthood. It's funny to think about how different our lives might look today had things gone according to our plan. But I truly believe that God never makes us wait without reason. More than anything, he allowed time to mold me into the person I am today. And I am grateful for that time. Was it painful in the midst of it all? Absolutely. If you are still on your journey, hold tight, and keep fighting. However your story ends, God is doing a good work in you.

I know it is such a cliché saying, but time truly does slowly creep up and fly by.

I am so blessed to be the momma of my girls, and can't wait to see what other things I learn through trial and error (because really that is what parenting is) over the next years.

A picture of my day:

The alarm goes off at 4:00am or the baby starts crying, whichever comes first. I need to feed the baby, put the baby back to bed, pump, take a shower, and get myself ready for the day before anyone else wakes up.

 

After that, I wake the husband up, and then I wake him again 10 minutes later.

 

I walk down the hallway, turn the light on in my girls’ room, let the dog out and start a pot of coffee. Come back to the girls’ room, remind my 3 year old to get up and go to the restroom, get my fussy one year old out of her crib, give her a glass of milk, and pull my 9 month old’s little, chubby thighs out of the slots in her crib that she managed to wiggle into in the last hour. After that it is a whirlwind of diaper changes, clothes, shoes, hair ties, and little bows.

How is it already 6:05am? Time to load up the car and sing “The Wheels on the Bus”, “ umpteen times while driving to daycare. Drop of the girls and head to work!

5:30pm now – time to leave one job and head to another – pick up the girls from daycare. Head home, singing “Head, Shoulders, Knees, and Toes” umpteen times. Get home, make dinner, give baths, read books, play for a bit, and then bedtime.

8:00pm - Girls are in bed. Now it is time to fold laundry, do the dishes, prep dinner for the next night, make lunches for the next day, tidy up the house, and pump one last time before bed.

10:00pm – In bed and praying that all my girls sleep through the night, so this momma can get some rest.

Sounds exhausting  doesn’t it? It is, some days. Thankfully, I have an incredible husband who helps me throughout the daily grinds!

But, I don’t think my schedule is the only thing that leaves me exhausted. I knew that our schedule was going to be crazy when we started a family – and I am okay with that.

But, lately, I have felt the weariness goes deeper. As a parent, you are daily stepping into a battle ground for your child.

You fight for their health.

You fight for their hearts.

You fight for their thoughts.

You fight for their purity.

….their behaviors.

…their influences.

…their addictions.

…their respect.

…their happiness.

…their education.

…their souls.

…their overall outcome as an adult.

I think as a parent, That’s more-so why you’re tired, that’s why you feel strained, and pulled and defeated, and overwhelmed and…unfulfilled, at times.

We are building the kingdom and raising souls, who will either take from society or give, and with the world the way it is, this is not an easy job.

God has given us little people to raise who have a plan and purpose, and it is our job to get them ready, we need to get them across the battle field, we need to shield the bullets, but also we need to teach them how to stand and fight too.

I think often times, we are weary because we are guarding a soul, and fighting for a cause.

Feel proud that God has entrusted you. It’s in you to fight and to raise your kids for good. When you get through the battle field you will be proud of the victories and the failures will seem minor.

Hang in there, don’t let exhaustion and pressure tell you you’re a failure.

There will be battles lost and battles won, but the victory is already won!

 

We can do it!