I never want to forget the details  of my story of becoming a mom and becoming a parent with my husband. So, here I am, typing it out – to always have as a journal keepsake.

 

The story isn't over –this is just the beginning… 

 

We had always discussed, even before getting married, that we wanted 3-4 kids. We wanted to wait at least 2 years before trying to have children so that we could enjoy our time just as husband and wife for awhile.

Those two years passed, and we began to have a desire to grow our family. In my always planning and organizing head, I figured it would take us, at the most, 6 months to get pregnant and we would then have a sweet, little bundle of joy of our own.

 

Those 6 months passed, and then another 6 months passed – each month filled with disappointment with not being pregnant yet. Eventually 3 years had passed and we still did not have a baby.

Those three years were filled with two miscarriages, and tests for both myself and David, and no one could figure out why we couldn’t get pregnant and maintain pregnancy – making the situation even more frustrating.

In the midst of this, I continued to pray and seek the face of God knowing his timing is perfect, but having a hard time accepting that fact. There were times when I was angry with God because everyone else around me was having babies – they had what I wanted. Yet, I stood faithful – in the depths of me, I knew that God had a reason – I just wish I knew what it had been at that time.

 

Towards the end of 2012 – David and I began to explore the possibility of growing our family through adoption. The cost of adoption was very expensive, and certainly not in our budget. So, we considered pursuing foster care with the possibility of adoption. While in our training courses, they told us the average age of children in the foster care system is 8 years old. Well, I wasn’t very comfortable with the idea of having an 8 year old in my home to parent, when I had never even successfully parented a baby. So, I requested the age of children placed in our home to be between 0 – 3 years of age. We were told that this age doesn’t come into the system very often and that we should increase our range to eight if we want children in our home; so, we did, willing to help whatever child came our way.

We prepared our home, finished our training and received our foster care state license in February 2013.

 

In March of 2013, while at work, I received a call that there was a need for a home for an 18 month old baby girl. I was ecstatic- this is it – this is what I have been praying for –I’m going to be a mom!

When she was taken into custody, we also knew that the birth mom was pregnant and that baby girl was going to be born in just a few short months and need a home.

0- 3 years of age doesn’t happen very often – less than a month after we received our license? I think God had other plans…

In August of 2013 we went to our local hospital and picked up this sweet, tiny 5lb baby girl. It was interesting walking into the hospital, not even pregnant, and then walking out with a newborn baby.

In the midst of trying to rearrange my life to make sure I met the needs of these two sweet girls, I found myself completely exhausted. I chalked it up to new routines and the sleeping habits of a newborn baby.

But then, certain smells started making me feel nauseous and my husband convinced me to take a pregnancy test. 

 Positive.

So many thoughts were running through my head, one of which was "I just brought a baby home from the hospital two weeks ago – there is no way, after 4 years of trying – that I am pregnant right now."

Thankfully, I had a very easy pregnancy with no sickness, limited nauseousness, and after the 1^st trimester exhaustion – I felt great! It made it a lot easier to keep up with two girls at home.

In February 2014, we learned that our girls were available to adopt. We jumped on the opportunity to give them a forever home and began to complete the adoption process filled with interviews and home studies and lots and lots of waiting.

In May of 2014, I gave birth to a healthy baby girl and I became a mom of 3 girls under the age of 3 – two of those girls being less than 10 months apart. Crazy? Maybe. But I love every moment of it.

In early October of 2014, we learned that our family was chosen to be the adoptive home option for the girls. Right now, we are within a month of signing the paperwork to make our foster daughters officially ours.  

God certainly has a sense of humor- our family went from 0 kids to 3 kids in 14 months.

I often times get asked how I do it all and I often tell people that I have no clue how I do it all. But, at the end of the day, my children are happy and healthy and I have a husband that loves all of us unconditionally, and that’s a win in my book. There’s no magic to parenting small children. It’s all about routines and balance and whole lot of letting go of perfection (this is a whole other topic I have had to learn!).

Now that I reflect back on the struggles and the steps that God brought me through to make me a mom - I am reassured that his timing is truly, always perfect. If I got pregnant when "I"wanted to get pregnant - I would have never considered foster care and I would never have known the joy that these two princesses bring to our home. God knew these two girls needed a loving, forever home and that’s why I believe we didn’t get pregnant until they were both with us.

Learning to have Faith and learning to truly Rest and Reflect in the loving arms of God’s Grace is not always easy when life doesn’t go the way we planned, but it is always worth it.  

The fight of Mary vs Martha

I had a co-worker ask me yesterday, “How do you balance it all – isn’t it tough being a full-time working mom, a wife, and a mom to 3 under the age of 3?” Yes, Yes it is – but totally worth it!

I think a lot of times moms get asked this because there is a need for balance everywhere.

My thoughts immediately go to two women in Luke. Mary and Martha. Women have been wrestling with the Mary/Martha syndrome since the time of Jesus. As a young mom, often times my internal “good Christian woman” measuring tool is Martha-like. The woman who did everything:

·         A  helpmate to her husband

·         A creative, patient and nurturing mother

·         An organized, creative, particular homemaker

·         An involved, busy, gracious leader at church

·         Etc.

^“But Martha was distracted by all the preparations that had to be made. She came to him and asked, ‘Lord, don’t you care that my sister has left me to do the work by myself? Tell her to help me!’” (Luke 10:40)

As much as I enjoy being a “Martha”  [I love the feeling of checking things off of my to do list!] -  it also can leave me tired and feeling inadequate when I can’t get everything done. Often times, I long to be like Mary, sitting at Jesus’ feet, listening to what He said. 

In my short journey of parenting, so far, I am learning that you can’t be a Martha and a Mary at the same time. Attempting to do so creates anxiety and struggle from expectations we put on ourselves and those we let others put on us. Every voice around us says, “You can do it all. You should do it all.”

Jesus says, “Daughter, dear Daughter, you’re fussing far too much and getting yourself worked up over nothing. One thing only is essential, and Mary has chosen it—it’s the main course, and won’t be taken from her.” (The Message, paraphrase from Luke 10:41-42)

I am sure that I am not the only mama that gets worked up over things that aren’t eternal. Only one thing is essential, sitting and listening to the Father. The voice whose power created the entire universe – that is the voice who wants to speak into our hearts and renew us.

I am learning that balancing motherhood and being a good wife lies in spending time with Jesus first. It takes priority over everything else. Balance does not come in serving more at church or in attending more bible studies. Busyness in good things is not a substitute for God’s best.God’s best lies in worship, adoration, and rest in Him when we spend time at His feet – in prayer and in the word.

The world’s expectations – even in Christian circles – say when we are busy doing good things, then we’re a good woman, mom and wife. Jesus simply wants us to spend time with him.

I am learning that balancing my life rests in priorities. Making time with Jesus balances all other activities and attitudes of my heart.

When I’m stressed by the demands of life and don’t make time to be with my Comforter, I feel out of balance, pulled in all directions, out of whack!

But spending a few minutes alone, Mary-like, listening to the Father, allows me to engage in busy activities with a peaceful spirit and gracious attitude. I can handle more when I spend time at His feet. Some days, I get a chance to have a few, quiet minutes alone – typically this occurs, if I am awake enough, at my 2:00am pumping session each morning. Other days, a quiet moment cannot be found anywhere with an inquisitive toddler, a teething baby, and a colicky newborn.

I am learning that mothering is hard.Having the assistance of the Holy Spirit makes it easier. Busyness is not the answer. Prioritizing time is .

If I were to die today, I don’t want my kids to remember a mom who is stressed because the dishes need to be cleaned or the laundry needs to be folded, but to have a mom who reflects the peace of Christ.

During my quiet time today while holding Grace in my arms and thinking of my other two sweet girls who were at daycare, I began to think about how much I love these girls and I love being a mom. 

Yes, there are rough days when it seems we have a crying fest in our house or an ornery 2 year old who doesn't want to listen but somehow I forget those moments and roll with it. 

I feel like infertility is all around us and it’s made me incredibly grateful for every aspect of motherhood. It’s something that can be easily taken for granted. My journey to motherhood is never what I had expected or planned, but obviously God's plans our greater then mine. 

Today, I am praying for all the moms out there (including me) that you’d see reminders of blessings in the face of your children, even on the toughest days.

And for all those gals who’d give anything for one of those tough days (I've been there - I understand), I’m praying God blesses you with the kids your desire and that he send opportunities to pour that love out on kids who need it while you wait.